Gratefulness leads to joy.
Your chance not to miss out on it.
Being grateful is wonderful.
It opens you up to a much more positive and happier world. It lets you be here and now.
All those aspects let you do whatever you do better. When you are grateful for others and tell them so, you also make them feel appreciated and seen. You stop taking things and people for granted. What is there to dislike about gratefulness?
Most people seemingly find it hard to be grateful. They complain, excuse, explain. They fight the world, fight for their place, and fight other people. I’ve been there, done that. But this is not the only way to live, and according to me not the best one.
There is quite a simple solution for this. Always look for the silver lining. Find the one aspect that sticks out and gives you joy. Train yourself first to notice it. Soon it will become automatic. Complaining will then feel off and it will be easier to return to appreciation (and when you’re at it, spend some time meditating).
Still, sometimes you can’t make yourself feel grateful for something. Sure, you can tell yourself that you are grateful for this daunting day at work, going to the dentist, or shopping. But deep down you know you are lying to yourself, which might make it worse because you try to manipulate yourself into being grateful.
What can you do? The first step is always to accept the situation. Accept your feelings, even though they are not what you want right now or not how you want to feel about a certain person or situation. Only then can you start to feel what is happening. If you deny your feelings and overwrite them with gratitude they might surface at any moment. Once you feel whatever it is you are feeling, be curious. What is it, where does the feeling arise? What is it deep down? This process is important and worthwhile if you want to change.
Often at the root, there is an inflated feeling of importance. Something becomes very important to you, either as a part of you or the world. As a result, you try hard to control it, to change it according to your wishes. But as you might imagine, the more you strive, the less it works. So you feel irritated and far from grateful. The solution: Let go of the importance. Things will turn out fine when you let them.
You might not get to the root cause of your feeling, because you get distracted, lost in thoughts, sidetracked by other emotions, or because it is too painful. But if you pursue this endeavor longer, you will eventually realize what lies at the bottom of your unwanted feelings and behavior. Be grateful for what you can be grateful for and investigate where your feelings of non-gratitude arise.